At Chik-Fil-A, the worker bees have to say "my pleasure" any time you say thank you. Take advantage of this by saying "thank you" at least twelve times in every sentence, always pausing significantly and raising one eyebrow as you wait for the inevitable response.
Another option is to say "thank you" once at the end of the transaction. When the worker bee says "my pleasure", remove a french fry from the box and reach across the counter with it, brushing them lightly across the lips with the fry. Eat the fry, then stare deep into the workers eyes. Pause, and then, in a low, rough voice, say "No. No.....it was mine."
When eating out with friends or co-workers, refuse to order, saying that you don't eat anything that was ever alive. When everyone else's food arives, bring out a zip lock bag of beef jerky and begin eating it. When your friends and co-workers question you, explain that the meat came from a clown, and you don't really consider such things to be "alive".
Order spaghetti at every opportunity. Suck the sauce off of each spaghetti noodle one by one, loudly. Place the clean noodles on the side of your plate and leave them there. At the end of the meal, offer them to a friend, or ask the waiter for a to go box.
Scrape the head off of beer and put it on your plate. Suck it up through a straw. Order another beer.
Pick out a random woman and "food flirt" with her using non-sexy food items like scalding hot coffee and fried macaroni and cheese.
Mix everything on your plate into one big pile, and then try to separate it again.
On a first date, excuse yourself to the restroom. After washing your hands, make sure they are totally dry. Return to the table and immediately grab your date's hands. Begin a conversation about how disgusting the bathroom was.
Ask for the wine list at Brusters. Become upset when they think you are joking.
Have a loud conversation about how you don't believe in tipping every time the waitress comes near you.
Dress in tight fitting, all black clothes and stand next to the host or hostess at Ruby Tuesdays. Try to intercept people walking in the door.
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2 comments:
You could always try and "liberate" the lobsters at your local sea food restaurant.
I like the Chick-Fil-A one! My mom works there so every time I say thank you to her she says "my pleasure" and it makes me laugh. So I always make sure to say thank you at Chick-Fil-A because it cracks me up when they say it.
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